There. I just straight out said it. No sugar coating or reading between the lines. Hopefully the Scottish Republican Army doesn’t blow up my car or something. But the fact is we had probably the most underwhelming three days of the trip. There’s basically nothing to do in Glasgow. And this was proven when, for lack of anything better to do, I decided to go see a movie and every one of the 8 options and all of their showings were sold out for the entire day.

What the real mystery is, though, is how two cities so close together could be so different. Less than 45 minutes by either train or car separates Edinburgh from Glasgow. We spent 3 days in Edinburgh and really felt like we were leaving too soon with barely the surface scratched. We spent 3 days in Glasgow and by the end of the first wanted to poke our eyeballs out with the same forks we used to eat our haggis. And we did eat haggis – a surprisingly tasty mincing of sheep heart/liver/lungs with oatmeal, onions, and spices all boiled together in the sheep’s stomach for approximately one hour.

It also didn’t help that the internet connection at the place where we were staying stopped working after the first day. That is a guaranteed recipe to put us in seriously bad moods. We ended up spending most of the next day wandering the city looking for WiFi spots, of which there were woefully few. We ended up spending a few hours in a public library, somewhere I haven’t been since I was twelve years old and devouring Star Trek books. (The Next Generation of course, not the original).

So why does Glasgow suck so much? Mainly because it’s young and rowdy. Not the good kind of rowdy, but the trashy kind of rowdy. Lots of groups of kids and pregnant teens wandering the streets shouting and drinking and going from bar to bar. I’ve never seen more pink Hummer limos in one place. It seemed like every other bar was hosting a bachelorette party, and the bars in between those were hosting baby showers. And nobody was over 20. We were even lucky enough to see a guy get mugged from our window, which was supposedly a “nice” part of town.